You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
