We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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