its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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