you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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