hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
