I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
operation harelip BJ is a go
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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