If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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