There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
