You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
