Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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