Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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