Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
