i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you never un-have a 4some
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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