Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
