I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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