So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
