i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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