i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
They have beer where we have blood.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
