textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
