So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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