every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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