My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
