I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
