I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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