yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
