What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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