im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
