Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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