how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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