My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
