she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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