he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
