I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
