What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize