it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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