dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
