Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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