she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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