I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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