Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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