so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
