its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
