What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
