dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
