i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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