I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
