I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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