i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
