Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
