If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
They are going to name an STD after you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
