Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
