im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
