I wish my penis had an off switch
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
