Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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