does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
