I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
