i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you will always have a special place in my vag
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
